


The Great Divide Chapter 3: Lie To Me

by Antigravity_Carnivore



Series: The Great Divide [3]
Category: Breaking Benjamin (Band), STARSET (Band), benjamin burn
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Computers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F.E.C., Gay, Heavy Angst, Inspired by Music, M/M, Male Homosexuality, Male Slash, Music, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-05
Updated: 2017-04-05
Packaged: 2018-10-15 02:42:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10548690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antigravity_Carnivore/pseuds/Antigravity_Carnivore
Summary: As Benjamin Burnley keeps a watchful eye over the comatose Dustin Bates, Thomas Bell investigates the mysterious device that he has stolen from the F.E.C. facility, but the discovery of the device is linked to a more sinister, deeper plot that threatens to take down the Resistance.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Please read my first story, “The Starset Series” as well as the previous two chapters of “The Great Divide” before reading this chapter.
> 
> Note: This chapter may seem a little scattered at first and some ideas jump around a bit, but I am building up to the last two chapters where everything will make sense, so please bear with me as we go on this journey together. I promise, we will make it to the end.

The Great Divide: Chapter 3

Lie to Me 

It was the small hours of the morning. Darkness had descended and an eerie silence had fallen over the base by the time Thomas opened his eyes. Glancing over at the antique clock that Benjamin had given him, he could see that it was nearly 3 a.m., but he did not remember falling asleep, or even bringing himself to bed. A sharp, throbbing pain in his temples made him groan and he regretted not seeking medical attention earlier. He closed his eyes for a moment, deciding that it would be best for him to sleep it off. He wasn’t on duty for another couple hours, and even though the unplanned nap hit him unexpectedly, it couldn’t hurt to prolong it by another few hours so that he could get up and feel fully refreshed for the morning. He was very anxious to talk to Benjamin, to find out what was going on and the status of Dustin Bates. The expression on Ben’s face when the messenger had informed him that he was conscious was confusing to Thomas. He wasn’t sure if it was elation, thankfulness, or fear. All he did know for certain was that Dustin’s presence here had affected Benjamin in some way, and he would have find out. He worked so hard, spent so much time, become so close to Ben, that he was certain that some stranger with critical information locked away in his fried brain wasn’t going to come between them.

Minutes ticked away on the clock, and Thomas felt as though the sound of each of them was a blinding hot iron poking into the soft tissue of his brain. The pain in his head was getting worse, growing more intense by the minute, and he knew that sleep would not be his friend tonight. Resigning himself to shuffling off down to the Infirmary for something to take the edge off the pain for a few hours, he sat up and waited for a moment, as the walls in his room seemed to pitch and shift, then finally right themselves again. The sudden dizziness brought a wave of nausea with it, and he soon found himself on his feet and sprinting into the bathroom, expelling a large amount of stomach bile into the toilet. Thomas’s entire body heaved and he groaned in extreme discomfort as his already tired muscles were forcibly thrust back into action. He moved to the sink, clutching at the cool white porcelain, to prevent himself from falling over. Turning on the cold water, he cupped it into his hands and rapidly splashed it into his face. The cool sensation on his skin refreshed him a bit. Resting the palms of his hand on the edge of the sink, he arched his back and rolled his shoulders, trying his best to get all the kinks out, and then leaned forward, letting the droplets of water drip off his nose and chin while gazing into the mirror. The reflection was not one he was accustomed to seeing. He looked ashen and pale, with deep blueish circles under his eyes and parched, dried out, cracking lips. Reaching up, his fingers gingerly felt for the gash that he had received from falling off the vehicle, but all he found was matted and tangled curls of hair. Furrowing his brow, he leaned in closer to the mirror and saw nothing there that would show the signs of visible trauma. No bruising or discoloration no scratched or gouged skin lacerations, nothing but perfectly smooth, soft skin. He turned his head to the right and left, examining it over and over, but still came away perplexed. Then he spotted something unusual, on either temple, where the pounding head pain was coming from were two almost microscopic pin pricks of dried blood, in the exact same location, on each side of his head. Some sort of insect bite, perhaps? He had been outside for a very long extended period of time and it was entirely possible. Arching a finger, Thomas scratched at the scab, digging his finger in deeper and deeper until it began to bleed again. The disappearance of the head wound worried him, he knew that it was superficial and not very deep, but there was no way it could have healed in a matter of hours. His hand instinctively went down to his side, where the bloody gauze still hung from the tape across his hip. Grabbing hold of the edges, he eased it off, expecting the painful burning sensation of the dried blood clinging to the cloth, but there was no pain at all, the cloth simply fell away, revealing unmarred skin underneath. “What the hell?” Thomas muttered, gently running his fingers along the edges of where the energy bolt had hit him. He looked at the soiled bandage in disbelief; it was still stained and saturated with dried blood. Only hours before, the skin was torn and shredded, close to infection and now it was as if the wound never had happened. Sighing to himself, he closed his eyes for a moment, trying desperately to remember the events of the last few hours before he went to bed, but the pounding pain in his head prevented him from thinking clearly. He needed to get some meds from the infirmary so that he could get back to sorting it all out. A fleeting thought crossed his head that maybe he should go find Benjamin and he could offer up some explanation, but immediately cast the thought aside. Ben had other things to worry about, other than Thomas on this night. Cursing to himself, Thomas threw on his shirt, not even bothering to button it and half walked, half staggered out to the hallway, where the blinding lights in the corridor alcoves seared his eyeballs harshly, creating pin points of extreme pain through his entire head. 

Leaning against the wall for support, he slowly made it through the maze of doors, thankfully glad that the hour was late and no one was up to see him stagger like a drunk to his destination. Swiping his keycard at the entrance, he went inside and made his way over to the row of beds that made up the triage section and flagged down a nurse who was making her rounds, tidying up. Looking frustrated at her task being interrupted, she approached him, and took notice who it was, the expression on her face brightened up. “Oh good evening Mr. Bell.” She chirped and reached out to turn on the overhead light directly above the bed he was sitting on. Immediately, he flinched and held a hand out, shielding the blinding, and searing light from his eyes. Seeing his reaction, she immediately doused it and offered up a modest apology. “I am very sorry sir.” She took one look at his narrowed eyes and ashen color. “I didn’t realize that your head was giving you pain.” Fluffing up a pillow behind him, she gestured for him to lie down, but he still remained sitting, but bowed his head down, avoiding her. “I have to say that the whole base has been talking about you, and the heroic thing you did, saving Mr. Bates. Such a selfless act, putting yourself into danger to save him, I wouldn’t doubt it if Commander Burnley didn’t give you a promotion or something. Such a commendable thing.”

Thomas exhaled and blinked slowly, he didn’t want to hear anything about bravery or acts of valor. He knew the real reason why he had taken on such a dangerous mission; he desperately wanted Benjamin’s approval, his attention and affection. There was nothing courageous about it. “Can you please just go get the doctor?” he whispered in a low voice.

The nurse flashed him a smile and made a few notes on her chart. “Certainly Mr. Bell, I will go get Dr. Wise, he’s on duty tonight, I believe he’s in checking on Mr. Bates, just relax, it will only take a few moments for me to get him back here.”

A wave of mixed emotions started to well up inside of Thomas as the nurse walked away. He felt sick to his stomach again, but this time it wasn’t brought on by the pain in his head, it went deeper than that. Hearing Dustin’s name made him feel physically ill, and mentally unstable. How could someone that he only just met be the cause of such intense emotions? The man was in a vegetative state, and probably wouldn’t even recover, but still Thomas felt a pang of jealousy toward him. His chest felt heavy and it was struggle to pull air into his lungs. The pain in his head was getting worse by the minute, and his vision was beginning to blur. The pounding and throbbing was so intense, it was all he could think about now. Thomas knew that if he didn’t get some sort of relief soon, that he’d be reduced to nothing more than a screaming lunatic in a matter of moments. 

He waited, closing his eyes and tried to control his breathing, but it was of no use. He needed relief, and needed it now. It was like a balloon inside of his head, with each breath he took, it expanded, becoming larger and larger, threatening to pop and explode at any moment. He needed help, and now. A plan came into his head, and he scanned the room, spotting the door which led to the storage area where all the drugs were kept. It would only take a moment or two, he could get in there, take what he so desperately needed and be back out before the doctor returned. He had access, it wouldn’t take much, however, he knew it was against the rules. There were regulations that had to be followed, he couldn’t just walk in and take what he wanted, that would be the same as stealing. Rules and protocols were in place for a reason, they had to be followed. He always followed the rules. Always. Thomas Bell was not a rule breaker. Not Ever.

Except for now.

Hopping off the bed, Thomas made his way through the triage room and to the drug storage room. He scanned his card and then door slid open. Being a personal confidant to the commander did have its perks at times. With red-rimmed, blurry eyes, he rummaged through shelves all meticulously lined with printed barcodes, each displaying the name of the drug that was in place there. Making his way to the back, he spotted his goal, a set of narcotic painkillers that were only used in extreme medical cases, locked away in another cabinet. His fingers were starting to tremble as he slid his card through the card reader and waited patiently for the green beep and the sound of the latch unlocking. Nothing happened, it remained locked. Frowning, Thomas swiped his card a second and third time, impatiently, but the light still flashed red and barred him from his much needed relief. A quick, lightning fast bolt of pain suddenly shot through his head from temple to temple, making him lose his balance and fall back against one of the shelves. The hard metal collided with his spine and he cried out in frustration and anger. He was so close. Glancing at the case in which the drugs were being held, he noticed that there was a small glass window on the front of it, which didn’t appear to be very solid. It would only take one quick punch and it would shatter into bits. There was the possibility of doing massive damage to his hand, but he quickly cast the worry aside, his head was hurting too much to care. Without thinking any further, he balled his hand into a fist and smashed it right into the glass, sending pieces flying everywhere as he punctured a hole in the protective enclosure. A wet, seeping feeling started to spread down his fingers, he knew that he probably had cut his hand in several places, not to mention possibly breaking some fingers and knuckles, but it was a consequence that he was willing to deal with. Reaching in, he took out the small metal canister device and popped off the protective shielding on it, then drove it into the underside of his forearm. It let out a quiet hiss as the medicine self-injected into his veins and it was carried through his bloodstream and a euphoric sensation rushed through his bloodstream. Sinking down onto the floor, he closed his eyes and let the drug do its work, easing his pain. 

How was he going to explain this to Ben? It wasn’t ok that his communications expert just broke into medical storage to gain access to drugs, disregarding all rules and regulations. Would he have to be formally charged with theft and punished? Thomas frowned to himself as the pain cleared up and the horrible knowledge of what he did and the repercussions set in. Clarity did not bring relief either. He felt immense guilt, and remorse, but underneath all of that, there was something else, something lurking beneath the surface that applauded his dissension and it frightened him. Would it be possible to explain it all, or would he have to lie? Thomas had never lied to anyone in his life now, and wondered if he could even make it convincing. Did it even really matter anyway? Ben had his hands full with ‘other matters’. Would he even care what Thomas had done? He ran his fingers through the dark curls of his hair and drew in a long breath, trying to figure everything out as Dr. Wise and the nurse stepped into find him sitting in the pile of glass.

He looked up to the doctor with his soft brown eyes, with a pleading expression, not saying a word, still slightly under the effects of the medicine. More so, he didn’t even know where to begin. The doctor turned toward the nurse and spoke in a commanding tone. “Go see that a bed is ready for Mr. Bell please will you Lizzie?” She gave him a curious glance and he nodded as she turned to scurry off to fulfill her duties. 

After she left the room, Dr. Wise extended a hand out to Thomas, who took it and slowly rose to his feet; his head swimming with a thick numbness that made him feel as though he was underwater. “I am not staying the night here; I want you to know that… I was in a lot of pain, and it had to go away… ” Thomas said in a flat, disinterested tone, refusing to look directly at the doctor. 

“Thomas, I’ve known you for a long time now. I know that you’d have to have good reason to do what you did. You just returned from a mission half way across the planet to bring back one man. God only knows what you went through out there, all those days. You are a hero, one that should be celebrated, not scolded.” A bad taste formed in Thomas mouth, but he remained silent and walked with the doctor, dully noticing that the wound on his hand was completely gone. Only a few stray drops of blood on the hem of his shirt were the only evidence that he had been injured at all. “I am not holding you accountable for your actions tonight, because I know the kind of man that you are, and in addition, I was attending to another patient when you came in, so I do apologize for not being available immediately to take care of you.”

“Thank you Dr. Wise. I appreciate it.” Thomas nodded, his head slowly starting to clear up, and started heading for the exit, silently hoping that would be the end of it. 

“I did not say I was done with you yet, young man.” The doctor called after him, and Thomas stopped near the door, his hand on his swipe card, trembling. “In return for my not telling your superior about this little break in, and theft, I need a favor.” He paused and a serious expression fell upon Dr. Wise’s face.

“Name it.”

Dr. Wise pointed at the broken case on the wall. “After you get some rest, I want you in here to repair that, first thing in the morning.”

Thomas let out a chuckle. “Sure thing Doc, it’s the least I can do for all the trouble I caused tonight. I really am sorry.” He lowered his head a little and looked off down the hall, as if searching for something, someone. 

Walking up behind him, the doctor put a hand on his shoulder and gave him a reassuring pat. “You’re a good man, Thomas. Remember that. Now get out of here and let that drug do its work, before I call for Lizzie and have her confine you to that bed.”

“Sure Doc. I’ll be back first thing in the morning.” Thomas flashed a smile at him and headed down the corridor. After he left, Doctor Wise went over to examine the shattered case as Lizzie joined him at his side.

“Oh. He’s not staying with us?” she asked, a little puzzled.

Doctor Wise shook his head and picked up the empty canister of the drug that Thomas had injected, holding it up to the light and examining it intently. “No Lizzie, I sent him back to his own quarters for some rest, it’s probably for the best that he has some peace and quiet after all that he’s been though in the last several days.” Pushing his glasses back up onto his nose, he rolled the vial around in his fingers and frowned, then quickly slipped it into his pocket. “I am going to return to Mr. Bates to see if there has been any change, please see to it that this glass is cleaned up, secure the door behind you and return to your post. Keep this to yourself, do you understand?” Lizzie nodded and started on her task as the doctor walked away. A troubled expression came across his face as he made his way back to the infirmary. Pulling the silver vial out of his pocket, he glanced at it over the rim of his glasses and then frowned in dismay. The dosage of the narcotic painkiller that Thomas had injected was ten times the regular dosage. It was enough to kill a man, and yet, he was up and walking, coherent and conscious. Doctor Wise was intrigued. 

Upon reaching the observation room, he examined all of Dustin’s medical charts. No change. All the lines of brain activity remained the same, heart rate did not increase or decrease, his body was being kept alive by machines, fed by wires and trapped in a suspended animation. There was nothing he could do for the man, it was hopeless. He let out a sigh and poured himself a hot cup of fresh coffee, then sat down at his terminal, and clicked on a few buttons. The steam from the beverage wafted up and into his face, which he inhaled deeply, feeling a wave of energy coursing through him, then started typing, bringing up all of Thomas Bell’s medical history. Leaning forward, he stared at the screen, at the multi colored rows of information and personal information and started to make notes.

Thomas slowly walked down the empty hall, heading back to his room, his mind filled with so many confusing thoughts and emotions; he knew that it would almost be impossible to sleep. He thought about the stranger, Dustin Bates, and how he had risked his own life to bring this man back to the base, only to be told that he’s very nearly dead. Ben chose to disregard Thomas’s warning about his medical condition and insist that he still be recovered alive. Thomas had never had disobeyed a direct order from Ben before; there was never any reason to, until now. Benjamin’s thought process was compromised by the presence of this person, and Thomas knew that until he knew the reason why, he could continue to struggle with these conflicting emotions which were churning and eating away inside of him. Also, there were the mysteriously healing wounds. The laceration on both his head and his side had simply vanished in a matter of hours without leaving a trace of their existence, not a scar, not anything behind. Suddenly remembering, Thomas looked down at his right hand, the one that he had used to break into the medical lock box in a dull fascination. Not a single scratch could be seen or felt. He flexed his fingers a bit, waiting for the pain of a sprain or fracture to make its presence known, but there was nothing. Thinking back to when his hand made contact with the glass and shattered it, he couldn’t remember feeling any pain at all, save for the intense pulsing in his head, which he had never experienced anything that intense in his entire life. “What’s happening to me?” he whispered to himself. He put a hand to his temple and closed his eyes for a moment. “Ben, I need you so badly.”

Suddenly the lights in the hall started to flicker and flash on and off. Thomas stopped dead in his tracks, listening as a dull electronic droning noise started to fill the corridor. The temperature of the air started to drop, and he started shivering. He could see the breath from his lungs crystalize in the air in front of him. Something caught his eye, far off down the other end of the hall, a dark, looming humanoid shape standing completely still. “Son of a bitch…”he muttered. It was the same figure that he had seen outside of the base twice, and he just chalked it up to some hallucination due to his fatigue, but now here it was, inside of the base with him, lurking just out of reach. Surprisingly, Thomas wasn’t frightened of it. 

Benjamin sat at his desk in his private quarters peering over the reports and charts that the medical staff had sent to him. Each one bore the same remarks, the same prognosis, same descending graphs and it was not good. His worst fears had been confirmed. Dustin had been captured, abused, and repeatedly tortured in an effort to gain knowledge from for months. X-rays had revealed that during these sessions, several of the bones in his arms and legs had been broken repeatedly and then not treated, leaving them to heal on their own, only to be broken once again at a later time. There were shattered ribs, scarred flesh and bruises so deep that they went right down to the bones. Only one small glimmer of hope remained a very tiny reading on the brain wave activity monitor. There was the possibility that this reading was a false positive, as a result of feedback from the instruments, but this small bit of information was something that Ben could hold onto, and he was not giving up or giving in for anything. 

Pulling out a bottle of whiskey, Benjamin poured himself a double shot and quickly downed it, letting the liquid pour down his throat and into his stomach. The warm, soothing sensation of the alcohol entering his bloodstream comforted him, and put his mind at ease for a short time. He briefly thought about trying to sleep, but he knew that he wouldn’t be so lucky to be graced with such a thing. Especially not with the knowledge that Dustin was here, under the same roof, so close but yet so damn far, fighting for his life. He looked down to the scratched and dented wedding band on his finger, he had lost so many people in his life, losing another would simply kill him. He had seen so much pain and suffering in his life, more than enough for ten lifetimes, and all he wanted was a moment of peace and quiet where he could close his eyes and let the world go away. Another two shots of whiskey slid down his throat, and Ben was up and pacing around the room, his footsteps heavy and unsure. For a moment, he considered going back to the infirmary and pulling up a chair next to Dustin’s bed, taking hold of his hand and holding on so tightly, not moving away from his side until he regained consciousness. The feeling of touching his skin once again, to lace their fingers together tightly, to feel the pulse of his heart beating in his chest one more time was more than he could bare. Benjamin new that it could never happen though, he had a reputation to maintain, at least for a little while longer. 

His thoughts were interrupted with a sudden buzz at his door. Glancing over at the time, he could see that most of the evening had slipped away from him, and now the night hours were slowly giving way to early morning, he should not be having visitors, unless something bad had happened. “Oh fuck… Dustin!” Ben ran over to the door and released the switch that opened it. It slid open to reveal Thomas standing there, in his casual attire, shirt neatly buttoned up, hair combed in place, with his messenger bag at his side. Ben let out a sigh of relief and turned his back to Thomas, and went inside the room and over to the desk. Thomas stepped inside and watched Ben with interest. “What, not going to even say hello or offer me an invite?” he laughed.

Keeping his back to Thomas, Ben poured himself another drink and rummaged through papers on his desk, keeping his voice low. “I didn’t think you needed it, we’re pretty much beyond that now, aren’t we?”

Thomas shrugged and pushed some buttons on the door panel, closing and locking it behind him before entering fully into the room, casually, he walked over to where Ben was at the desk, totally consumed in his own little world. Sliding the strap of the bag off his shoulder, he tossed it onto the desk as his eyes scanned over the charts and papers scattered there, along with the almost empty bottle of whiskey and frowned. Thomas knew that Ben’s demons involved alcohol, and something had to be truly bothering him for him to jump back into a bottle again, without as much as a word. “Benjamin, we need to have a serious talk here.”

His eyes didn’t move away from his work, he continued to read and reread the medical reports without even looking up to Thomas. “I’m listening.”

 

Sighing, Thomas pushed some papers out of the way and sat down on the edge of the desk. Ben quickly grabbed the papers he had shifted and stacked them in a disorganized pile on the other end. “I don’t know what’s going on here, and I need you to help me figure some things out. Ever since I got back from the F.E.C. facility, you’ve been acting strange. I feel as though you’re off in some distant place where I can’t reach you, fighting some sort of demon on your own, and I am powerless to help you.” Thomas laid a hand out on Benjamin’s arm, and tried to look into his eyes, but they just kept scanning over the endless mountain of notes. “It’s something to do with Dustin Bates, isn’t it? Ben, listen to me, you have to tell me exactly who he is, people are talking and some of the rumors going around are quite fantastic. They should be told the truth… I should be told the truth about who he is. You can’t keep all of this bottled up inside of you, not for long anyway. You have to talk to someone, and I want that to be me.” His fingers wrapped around Ben’s arm, almost as if to hold on, as he was slipping away. “You are the only person in the entire world that I put my faith and trust in, Ben. I hope that I can be that for you too.” Thomas looked at Benjamin, his eyes pleading for some sign of acknowledgment. “Some days, I feel so much from you Ben, other days, nothing at all. I don’t know what’s worse, drowning beneath the waves, or dying from thirst.”

Ben rested the palms of his hands on the desk, and leaned forward, letting his head drop down, still avoiding Thomas’s gaze. “You shouldn’t trust me, Thomas. I can’t protect you from getting hurt, not like I should.”

“And exactly who would I need protection from?” Thomas inquired, his eyes still searching for Ben’s.

“Me.” Ben answered, taking a long drink from his glass and then staring at the empty container in disdain. Slipping out of Thomas’s grasp, he went around the desk to where the bottle stood and emptied the contents into his glass, disappointed that the liquid only filled it halfway. He brought it to his lips, smelling the aroma of the bitter liquid and was about to drink it when Thomas stepped over beside him and put his hand over the rim of the glass, pulling it away. Ben shot him an annoyed glance.

Keeping his hand over the glass, Thomas met Ben’s eyes and held them with a serious expression on his face. “That’s the first time you’ve even looked at me since I entered the room, Benjamin.” He took the glass away and placed it back on the desk. “Please don’t keep me in the dark here with this.” Reaching up, he placed the palm of his hand on Ben’s warm cheek. “Please.” 

The expression on Ben’s face softened at Thomas’s touch, and he pulled his hand away and leaned back against the desk, staring out the window. The moonlight was starting to fade away, taking with it the silver stars hanging perfectly in the sky, leaving a dull red glow of morning light. It was the dark before dawn. “Everything that has happened to that man, Dustin, is because of me. He was so much like you when I met him, young, innocent, his head full of ideas and dreams. He’s the part of me that I want so desperately to be, but can never quite reach. Fate brought us together years ago, and also tore us apart.” He stopped and drew in a long breath, looking far off into the distance, as if searching for memories he had long since buried. “I misled him. I lied to him. I lured him on, telling him that I could protect him from all the monsters and demons that plagued him, but in the end, I let them devour him. I watched helpless as the Monster came for him every night, slowly taking away his sanity, his innocence and replacing it with nothing more than a dark, twisted shadow of who he once was. His screams still echo through my head at night. The things that I did to him, they were worse than the torture the F.E.C. made him endure, because through all of it, he still believed that I loved him.”

“And now?”

Benjamin’s eyes stung, filling up with tears slightly and he blinked them away. Turning around from Thomas, he stood in silence, unable to speak another word, overcome with emotion. He had never really come to terms with what had happened between himself and Dustin, and giving the feelings he had kept inside a voice felt like he was ripping his own heart out and offering it up as a meaty dish to devour. It wasn’t a position Ben was used to being in. Thomas came up behind him and slipped his arms around Ben’s waist, pulling his chest tight against his back, and knitting his fingers together around his stomach. Resting his head against Ben’s shoulder, he felt his body start to relax. “Ben, it’s ok. If I’ve learned anything from you, it’s that you should never be afraid of who you are, what you’ve done in the past, or how you are feeling. You need to embrace these emotions and memories, and draw strength from them; don’t let them drag you down. No matter what happens, I am here for you, I always will be. I won’t ever leave your side.” He leaned forward and kissed Benjamin’s cheek, whispering. “You’re not looking to save us are you? You’re looking for salvation, redemption, a chance to say that you’re sorry. He can’t forgive you, unless you forgive yourself first. Benjamin, you can’t keep holding onto the past, you have to let it die. There may be nothing left there, but I am not leaving. Let me take the coldness away.” Ben turned around and faced him, and looking into his eyes, Thomas could see all the hurt and pain from a thousand lives in those gray eyes, filled to the brim with love lost and gained, and a desperate, intense need for salvation. Tilting his head to the side, he brought his lips to Ben’s and kissed him as the sun began to break over the mountains, far off on the horizon. Sliding his arms around his body, Ben embraced Thomas and devoured the kiss like a hungry, starving man. Their bodies fit together perfectly, as they were silhouetted beautifully against the early morning rays of sunshine. 

Thomas kept his lips tightly locked against Ben’s as his hands reached up and his fingers slid under the stiff folds of his shirt. His fingertips lightly brushed against the smooth, curved muscles of his chest as they made their way slowly down his body. Thomas could feel the beating of his strong heart, trapped underneath the cage of blood and bone underneath his fingers, pulsing steady and powerful. Ben inhaled deeply, allowing Thomas to unbutton the front of his shirt, letting it fall open, and he stepped forward backing him up against the desk. Tracing two fingers in a long line down the slope of his chest, Thomas whispered. “I know that you are capable of loving someone, Ben…let me show you how love feels as well…” 

Pushing the layers of fabric down around his shoulders, Thomas let Ben’s shirt fall down to the floor, and leaned down slightly to bring his lips over his collarbone, placing a row of feather light kisses around his neck, each lasting a one moment longer than the rest. Perfectly timed and paced with each beat of his heart. Ben ran his fingers though the silken curls of Thomas’s dark hair, as he slipped down further down enjoying the subtle caresses and delicate, fleeting movements of his lips upon his skin. The cold, terrifying thoughts that troubled his mind seemed to melt away, replaced by warm comforting touches and tender words. 

Leaning back behind him, to steady himself from his trembling knees for a moment, Thomas’s hand brushed briefly against his messenger bag where it was sitting and knocked it over, spilling its contents, mostly engineering and computer manuals on to the desk, causing the stacks of medical reports and papers to flutter down to the floor. Thomas stopped for a moment, holding his breath and watching as the papers drifted away, then immediately bent down and made an attempt at straightening them back up. “I’m sorry.” He murmured.

Ben reached out, starving for another kiss and brought Thomas back up, placing a hand on both sides of his cheeks and pressed his lips tightly upon his once again, this time it was a kiss that was filled with intense longing and need. Ben knew now that he did in fact have feelings for Thomas, and there was no way to deny it. The elation of finally coming to terms with how he was feeling was almost euphoric. Having lost love so many times in the past, Benjamin had started to believe that he was wholly incapable of loving someone, that some part of him wouldn’t allow himself to be happy. There was no storybook ending, no closure at the end of the chapter, only pain and misery being carried over again and again. Now, here with Thomas in his arms, he felt as though he had a chance at love again. This man, nothing more than a stranger with those beautiful dark eyes and an innocent soul had stood at his side for many months, never faltering or backing down from anything. He said that he would follow Ben to the ends of the universe and back if he so commanded it, and even though those words were just talk, now he finally believed them. There was something about Thomas that Ben needed, the innocent soul, the trust, love and devotion was everything he would ever dream of. Thinking back, Ben remembered a fleeting moment of their fingers touching while at a mission briefing would set Ben’s heart racing, and he would try his best to keep from showing it. It was a thrilling to just even be near him, but things would eventually change. The last few months, after he received the message from Brock, revealing that he had found a clue to Dustin’s location, Benjamin had started to push Thomas away. Placing the momentous task of decoding the signal in Thomas’s hands was the beginning of the rift that seemed to be forming between the two of them. Part of him was expecting failure. If Dustin could be rescued, brought back safe and sound, then Ben had a chance at salvation. He would make Dustin understand that he was truly sorry for everything that happened, and he could begin to heal...they both could begin to heal. The question was, was Dustin ready to forgive Benjamin for taking his life? Benjamin felt was though he was directly responsible for pushing Dustin to the edge of sanity, and then over. It devastated him with immense grief, and nothing could take away that pain. Almost nothing. 

 

Thomas. Would he be another one of Ben’s victims, to be loved and then tossed away when his usefulness was over? No. Seeing him here like this tonight, willing to offer comfort to a man whose former lover was lying in a coma a few doors down was more than enough proof to know that he was being honest and truthful in his feelings. Thomas was an open book, so sincere in his words and actions. He loved and respected Ben with every part of his being, and Ben knew it, and in return, he allowed Thomas to look into his soul and see the broken and shattered man inside. A man who he would stand beside, no matter what came between them, even if it was Dustin Bates. 

“Benjamin?” 

“Hmm?” Ben blinked and looked to Thomas who was obviously waiting for some sort of response. “Sorry, I was lost in a thought for a moment.”

Thomas slipped out of his arms and smiled. “I was saying, it’s nearly dawn, and we both are in need of sleep.” He turned to the desk and started shoving things back inside of his bag. “I should leave you to get some rest; you’ve got a lot on your mind.” He busied himself with fiddling with an item that dropped out of his bag without even thinking. “I need to sleep too, my head’s been giving me a bit of trouble lately and a little more recuperation might be a good thing for me.” As his hand reached for the next item, a communications manual, Ben grabbed him by the wrist and he immediately looked up and seeing a new, unexpected need in his eyes. 

Ben let go of his wrist and reached out to brush some of the stray curls of hair away from Thomas’s face and whispered. “You can sleep here, Thomas.” 

Thomas felt a flush of color rush to his cheeks, and his heart jumped. This meant that Ben wasn’t going to head back to the infirmary to spend more time with the unconscious Dustin, he wanted to be with him instead, however, doubt began to creep in. “We’ve been through this before, and you know that it’s not quite as easy sneaking out in the middle of the daytime as it is at night. If I am spotted leaving your private quarters…” 

Ben shook his head. “Let them say what they will. I do not care what anyone thinks. I need you here with me, even if it’s only for a few hours…I want to lie down next to you, wrap myself around your body and not let you go. You said that you’d be there for me when I need you, well Thomas, I am asking you now, stay with me?”

Knowing what this meant, Thomas gave Benjamin a reassuring smile, still clutching his bag in his hands. “Of course Ben. I will stay with you.” He stepped forward, leaning in for another tender kiss as Ben drew him into his arms and their bodies melted together. The moment their lips touched, Ben’s eyes widened and he let out a loud cry, staggering back away from Thomas and crashing into a small table, clutching at his neck. Almost instantly, he felt a numbness growing, spreading through his arms and legs as he fought to stay upright.

“What the fuck was that!?” 

Thomas brought his hand out, revealing a small metal vial of drugs that he had slipped out of his bag and into the palm of his hand, injecting it into the soft tissue of Ben’s neck where he had kissed him. “It’s an extremely fast acting sedative, Benjamin.” Thomas spoke slowly, each of his words perfectly annunciated and almost rehearsed. “You will feel your body start to go numb, starting at the extremities and spreading through your nervous system, reaching your brain in minutes. If I were you, I would enjoy these last few moments of consciousness while you can. They will probably be your last.” Placing the empty drug container back into his bag, casually leaned against the desk and watched in interest, crossing his arms in front of his chest. 

“You’re going to kill me…why?” The room was spinning as Ben spoke, catching him off guard and causing him to fall down to the ground, where he desperately fought to bring himself back up to his feet, but it was of no use. Summoning his strength, he managed to find a way to his knees, but that was a great triumph that would soon be demolished. 

“I am not going to kill you Ben. That would be completely ridiculous. You see, the men here.. They look up to you as their ‘fearless leader’. You have everything that they need. Courage, strength, intelligence, balls, the entire package. Even if you ~were~ just using all of us to get what you wanted, you are really damn good at it. Very charismatic. So murdering you would prove pointless. They need you, and thus WE need you, and we will use this advantage to topple everything that you’ve built here from the inside out. And when the rebels are running in fear for their lives, we will show them what the F.E.C. is really all about.” Thomas walked over to where Ben was struggling and grabbed him harshly, with a hand full of hair and yanked back, twisting his body into a unnatural painful position. Benjamin’s strength was ebbing and he couldn’t fight back. Looming over him, Thomas balled his hand into a tight fist and let it fly into Ben’s face, connecting with his jaw with an unnatural strength. Ben winced, but did not budge, taking the full force of the blow, and glaring up at him with wild eyes, while wiping away a bit of blood that had formed on his split lip. He lunged out, trying to grab hold of Thomas, and catch him off guard, but his drugged reflexes were only moving at half speed and he missed, giving Thomas the opportunity to connect his boot with Ben’s stomach, immediately bringing him down to the floor. Thomas reached down and took hold of Ben, half dragging him over to the bed and tossed him onto it, like he was nothing more than a doll.

Ben shot him a look of pure hatred and anger that most men would of flee in terror from, and tried to sit up, but the room started to spin and he knew he was in danger of passing out. All he could do was lay there in a miserable heap on the bed. “I don’t understand why you are doing this.”

Thomas grabbed the pillows and yanked them out from underneath Ben’s head, tossing them onto the floor and then walked back across the room towards the windows. The bright rays of sunlight were now streaming through, tinting everything in a slight golden color. He pressed a button and the large metal shutters came rolling down, blocking out all natural light. Walking around the room, he tapped on several small electronic lights, bathing the room in an eerie fluorescent glow. Listening to Ben’s words, he stopped moving, coming to stand near the door, his hand on a light fixture and smiled. “Have you ever thought about what it’s like to care for someone so much and have them totally cast you aside when something better comes along? Use you up for all your worth and then toss you aside like garbage? Draining every bit of positive energy from you so that they can use it to better themselves? No, of course you don’t, because it’s never happened to you, you do it to others.”

Making his way back through the room, Thomas grabbed his messenger bag and made his way over to the bed, sitting down and pulling Ben’s upper body into his lap, where he casually ran his fingers though his hair as he spoke. “I know exactly what happened between you and Dustin Bates, Benjamin. I know the entire story. It was pretty good; you should get someone to write that down for you one day, it might make for a good fan fiction. It was all there, locked away in Dustin’s head. It was so easy just to pluck those moments out and watch him relive them over and over. That man really takes everything to heart, doesn’t he? Sometimes the mental torture can be worse than the physical torture tenfold.” He laughed smugly, enjoying the moment.

“Thomas how could you possibly know about that? It was another lifetime.” Ben felt his eyes starting to grow heavy, but refused to let them drop. He had to stay awake; his very life depended on it. 

“Oh that’s another thing. Thomas… Thomas is no longer with us.” Opening his bag once again, Thomas pulled out the visor that he had recovered from the facility and it instantly came to life, glowing a brilliant orchid color. “Inquisitive little man found one of our more sophisticated devices that we were using on Mr. Bates to extract information, and decided that it would be a great idea to steal it for ‘research’ purposes. Thinking it was a medical device, he only had the best intentions to use it to treat patients, and as all silly scientists do thought that a closer, more in-depth look was needed. You see, not only can this device destroy and break the human will, but it can heal the body, as well. It can keep it alive, by repairing muscle and tissue mass if the need arises. Not a function that the F.E.C. has use for, really. The moment he put the visor on, it activated remotely, and we were able to extract a wealth of knowledge from him, as well as memories and emotions, without him consciously knowing. We brainwashed him and put a plan in motion to infiltrate your little collective here. We let him get close to you, and at the right moment, flipped a switch in his brain… one moment he was Thomas Bell, and then next, he was another member of the F.E.C.”

“What happened to Thomas?”

“Sadly, the brainwaves and what you would call a ‘soul’ of Thomas Bell have been completely wiped clean from this body. We got the information that we needed from him and eradicated the unnecessary bits. Think of it like clearing up space on a hard drive. Not quite sure where it goes, but it does go away. If you really must know, your treatment of him after recovering Dustin Bates really did break his heart. A shame you treated him that way, ignoring his silent pleas to be welcomed back home and into your arms. He simply wanted to love you. Maybe if you paid more attention to your living lover, rather than you half dead one, none of this would have happened. But then again, we’re all expendable in the end, aren’t we Benjamin?” Thomas shifted the visor from one hand to the other, and then began to push a series of buttons on it, and the screen changed from violet to an eerie green color.

“No matter what you do to me, I will never bend to your will.”

“Well, you don’t exactly have a choice in the matter, Benjamin. What this device does is provide a cerebral uplink directly to our computers, where we can view and manipulate the information in your brain to our liking. It puts the body into a comatose state where we can pretty much do whatever we want to it. Make you relive past memories over and over, trapped in an endless cycle until eventually the brain gives out and your life has ended. We can keep the body alive through this, but the brain… ah, that’s a more delicate procedure, all the stress from repetitive sessions tends to weaken it and there’s nothing we can do to recover that. Once it’s gone, it’s gone, just like poor Dustin Bates. It’s a very complicated process and causes extreme pain, but that’s really such a small side effect. Very few subjects have been capable of resisting it, the most recent being Dustin Bates of course, which is partly why he is still alive, if you call that living.” He shrugged. “It’s quite interesting, really, to see all those things that you did to him, from the moment you met, manipulating and fucking around with his head, until the very last moment when you convinced him to take his own life. It was pretty damn good. I’m seriously impressed.” Thomas grinned, winding a piece of Ben’s hair around his finger, teasingly as he spoke. “Although we were able to access his most recent memories, it was impossible to delve any further into his mind, thus we resorted to other, more intrusive means.” Thomas leaned down and whispered into Benjamin’s ear. “I’m sure that I don’t have to tell you about how well he screams, you already know ALL about that, don’t you?” he smirked. 

“I am going to fucking kill you.”

The visor in Thomas hand pulsed vividly as he brought it over to Benjamin’s face. “I’d really like to see you try, it would be quite entertaining.” He slipped it over his eyes and it two miniscule electrodes attached themselves to each of his temples, emitting a tiny spark of electricity as they made a neurological connection to his brain, and his body began to shake violently. Thomas slid away from him and stood back, watching as the device started booting up, running the program flawlessly. Confident that it was working, he turned his back on Benjamin, not wishing to witness the first in a series of seizures that wracked his body as the device took hold. Watching someone so well respected and admired reduced to flopping around like a fish out of water left a bitter taste in his mouth. He walked across the room and glanced at all the antique books that lined the shelves. It was quite amazing that for a civilization being so far advanced, people still felt the need to hold onto the past. Dusty and faded, he ran his fingers along the spines of the books, stopping when something caught his eye. Trapped between the pages of one of the books, a tattered corner of a photograph could be seen. As he pulled the book out, specks of dust particles rose into the air, and dispersed into nothing. He slipped the photo out from the pages and stared at it with fascination. On that aged sheet of paper was the image of five men, gathered around a table that was laden with beer cans, nachos and pizza. They were smiling and having a good time, posing perfectly for the camera. Three of them were dressed in replica flight jackets, similar to the one that Thomas wore, adorned with patches proudly displaying a random set of numbers and a strange logo of some sort. They looked very happy. Dustin Bates was also in the photo, wearing a simple white dress shirt and bowtie that was slightly askew. There was a certain look on his face, distant and perhaps a little sad even, as he sat between the youngest of the black jacketed men, and the most imposing figure in the photo, Benjamin Burnley. Thomas ran his fingers over the aged photo, tracing them over the outline of Ben for a moment, sighing quietly to himself. All his memories would soon belong to Thomas and the F.E.C. collective, stored and processed neatly on servers for all to access. He could go back to the point in time when the photo was taken and relive the exact moment the shutter button was pushed. No more secrets, no more life. 

Neatly placing the book back on the shelf, he slid it between the rest of the antiques and sat down at the desk, pushing the remainder of the annoying papers out of the way. They fluttered down and lay scattered around the floor, discarded without care or concern. Holding the photo up between two fingers, he reached into a pocket and brought out a small lighter, pushing a button and making a flame jump to life on the mechanical cylinder. “This chapter is over.” He brought the brilliant blue flame to the corner of the photo and it instantly jumped onto the aged paper, turning it black within seconds. A puff of smoke began to form as it to turn to ash, and fell to crumbled bits onto the desk. Years of memories, feelings and emotions, all gone in a matter of seconds, reduced to carbon and then scattered into the wind. Thomas let out a smug laugh and returned to the side of the bed, staring down at the body before him. The initial tremors had ceased and now he was starting to slip into the usual calmness of assimilation. Reaching down, he took hold of Ben’s wrist and rested his fingers over it, feeling for a pulse. It was there, beating steadily underneath the skin, signaling a strong, healthy heart. No signs of trauma or palpations at all. The warmth of Ben’s hand in his felt so comforting and pleasant, but at the same time, the stillness was discomforting and disturbing. He was so motionless on the bed; one could almost mistake him for a corpse. Deep, dark purplish circles were already forming around his eyes, shielded by the pulsing visor, as his lips parted and remained open in a silent scream of atrocity. Thomas carefully put Ben’s hand back down on the bed, gently laying it at his side and started to reach out, so desperately wanting to bring his fingers to that soft hair again, stroke his fingertips against Ben’s cheek and hold him in his arms as he drown in his own memories. 

Cursing to himself, Thomas drew his hand back, shoving the conflicting emotions back down and glaring at him in distaste. Where had these feelings come from all of a sudden? They weren’t ~his emotions, they felt like they belonged to Thomas Bell. Perhaps there was a bit of something left behind inside of his head, lurking in the depths of soft tissue. This was a discouraging thought, it meant that the process wasn’t completely without flaws. He made a mental note to discuss it with the scientists as soon as his mission was over. 

Leaning down, he brought his lips up to Ben’s ear and whispered viciously. “You are NOT the center of everyone’s universe. I will bring everything crashing down around you, Benjamin Burnley. We will destroy everything that you and Thomas have worked so hard to build up here. Every single one of these people who have placed their lives in your hands will become nothing but fodder for the Machine, and you have only yourself to blame.” Thomas grabbed Ben’s ID card from the place where it was sitting on the night stand and without another look, turned and walked away. Near the door, he scanned Ben’s card and programed it to remain sealed unless opened with a specific code, a code which only he had access too. The process of absorbing and uploading information to the F.E.C.’s central servers could take several hours, and he had other tasks to accomplish before the night was over. Sitting around and watching a soul die was not high on his priority list. Shoving the ID card in his pocket, he dimmed the lights, looking back into the room, and saw Ben’s form lightly illuminated by the pastel colored visor attached firmly in place. A multitude of images from the visor flashed over Benjamin’s gray eyes, and a single tear formed in the corner of his eye and dropped down to the bed sheet. Thomas closed the door and left the room. 

Down the hall, off to the right, Dr. Wise sat staring at the endless array of monitors and the motionless patient in the room beyond. He ran his hand through his premature gray hair and sighed to himself. It was a waiting game, one which he did not care for. Coming to a decision in his head, he rose to his feet and grabbed his lab coat, slipping into it and heading out to the door. Then he heard it. A low, audible beep on the closest monitor signaled activity. Grabbing hold of it, he spun it around and glanced at the information displaying on the screen with wide eyes. There, in vivid color was the first indication that there was recognizable brain activity. Dustin Bates was alive. 

No named bars dead end stars  
Empty roads to nowhere  
Unlocked cars life's so far  
There's no here to get there  
As fast as I run  
Could you catch me for once  
It's the last time, I learn my lesson the hard way  
Because you lost,  
Because I just love to hate you  
Because you lost me  
Cold and clean, perfect dream  
I don't ever want them  
Hand me down, white washed town  
Another bully anthem  
As fast as I run  
Could you catch me for once  
It's the last time I learn my lesson the hard way  
Because you lost  
Because I just love to hate you  
Because you lost me  
You lost  
You lie to me  
You lie  
You lie to me  
You lie  
You lie to me  
As fast I run  
Could you catch me for once  
It's the last time I learn my lesson the hard way  
Because you lost  
Because I just love to hate you  
Because you lost me  
You lost  
Because I just love to hate  
Because you lost me

“What if there’s nothing up there?” he asked, leaning back against the decaying wooden fence with a cold beer in his hand. There was a slight chill in the air, and a small breeze blew through the clearing, chasing away the clouds and revealing the silver pin points of starlight in the night sky. Off in the distance, some nocturnal animal moved through the forest, rustling the fallen leaves underneath the weight of its body.

He looked to the other man, who was sitting on the top of the fence, pulling his worn out gray sweater tightly around his thin body. He was always susceptible to the cold, even on the warmest of days; he could always be seen with some sort of jacket or coat on, keeping it close to him like a security blanket. Maybe he needed something to hold on to, just in case he lost everything else, there would always be something there offering him comfort and warmth. Looking down at the person asking the question, he laughed and adjusted his glasses. “You know that can’t be true, there’s scientific evidence that there are a multitude of other universes, suns, stars and galaxies far beyond ours. It’s only a matter of time before we are able to make contact with them.”

Taking a drink from the bottle, he shook his head. “That’s not what I mean.”

The man in the sweater laughed lightly and looked at him in amusement. “Oh, you’re speaking theologically? You never struck me as a religious person.”

He met his gaze with a serious expression. “I’m not.” He lowered his head for a moment. “I’ve had so many bad things happen to me in my life, I seem to keep falling down this murky hell hole, and every time it happens, I think that I am falling to my death, this is the last time. It’s finally over. Then I hit the bottom, and I realize that the fall hasn’t killed me, I’m still alive, and I have to start clawing my way back up if I want to live, because the air at the bottom of the hole is stifling and I will suffocate if I stay down there. So I find a way out, I make my own hand holds and dig my nails in, pushing myself up until I can see light again.” He took another drink from the bottle, frowning as the swallowed the last drops and then tossed it far off into the field, where it disappeared into the tall grass. “I suppose that I am just looking for something to believe in, something that can keep me going, when the darkness falls upon me. A reason to keep climbing.”

The man wearing the sweater took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes; he started to say something and then stopped, hearing the echoing footsteps of the animal getting closer. “Did you hear that?” he asked. The other man shook his head and turned around to rest his arms against the fence post, with a forlorn expression on his face. “Must be my imagination then.” He pulled his sweater even tighter still, not wanting to resign himself to heading indoors just yet; he needed every precious moment that was given to him here. “I think that you’re going about it the wrong way, actually.”

“Hmmm?” He continued to look off to the horizon, but listened intently. 

“Everyone thinks that they need some higher being for guidance, or someone special to live for. Lately, however, I am starting to believe that this method of thinking is completely irrational. I mean, if you consider it, why ~should you need to depend on others for your own happiness? People can be so cold and cruel, gods never answer prayers, and yet every single day, we do whatever they say, we pray to them and hope for the best. It’s a sickening cycle of dependence. We’ve been taught at a very young age that you need to find someone, get married and live happily after, but it doesn’t always work out that way, at least not for everyone. And if it doesn’t work out, then we’re told that we’re failures. That’s not how life should work.” He smiled at his companion. “I wish I could show you, when you are consumed by that darkness, the astonishing light, of your own being. The only person that you absolutely must live for…the only one who matters…is you, Benjamin.” 

Benjamin turned to look at Dustin, silhouetted in the pale moonlight which had an eerie orchid tint to it. “Do you really believe this?”

Dustin nodded. “I do.” He turned slightly, hearing the leaves rustle again, this time closer. 

Benjamin reached up and caught hold of his sweater and gave it a gentle tug, bringing his body down next to his own and rested his forehead against Dustin’s, whispering. “You lie to me.”

Dustin brought his lips to Benjamin’s and spoke over a kiss. “I love you.” 

To be continued…

**Author's Note:**

> End Notes: If you’re curious as to what the visor’s look like, check out the video for Starset’s “Monster”. This is what I was envision for the look of them. Also—I like to think of my Benjamin character being an incredibly strong willed man, not easily swayed or brought down for anything…and thus writing him succumb to Thomas was hard indeed, so I filled most of the narrative with Thomas’s rambling monologue explaining the F.E.C. device. Ben is very much a hero in this story, even if he doesn’t know it yet, as opposed to how he is portrayed in my other story the –Starset- series. I like to think that Ben’s one flaw is his love for Dustin, and it’s going to be interesting to see how that plays out as the last two chapters are written.
> 
> Once again, thank you for taking a time to read. It is because of readers like you, that gives me confidence and reassurance to keep going on and write more.


End file.
